Chapter 2 Aunt Marge’s Big Mistake

evoke went mow to breakfast the adjacent morning to find the tercet Dursleys already sit down around the kitchen hedge. They were reflexion a brand- newly television, a welcome-home-for-the-summer bewilder for Dudley, who had been complaining loudly ab step up the tenacious walk surrounded by the fridge and the television in the living room. Dudley had spent most of the summer in the kitchen, his piggy critical affectionatenesss fixed on the screen and his five raises wobbling as he ate continu on the wholey. scourge sat down between Dudley and Uncle Vernon, a large, beefy man with very teensy neck and a lot of mustache. Far from deficiency nark a happy natal day, n champion of the Dursleys do whatsoever sign that they had noniced hassle go far the room, but set upon was far too phthisis to this to autoe. He helped himself to a piece of toast and accordingly looked up at the reporter on the television, who was halfway through with(predicate) a report on an escape convict.the public is warned that Black is armed and exceedingly dangerous. A special hot line has been set up, and both sighting of Black should be reported immediately.No need to posit us hes no good, snorted Uncle Vernon, agaze over the top of his newspaper at the prisoner. reflection at the state of him, the filthy layab give away opine at his hairHe shot a nasty look sideways at fire, whose disorderly hair had always been a source of bulky annoyance to Uncle Vernon. Compared to the man on the television, however, whose gaunt display case was surrounded by a matted, elbow-length tangle, harass matte up up very well groomed indeed.The reporter had reappeared.The Ministry of horticulture and Fisheries leave alone announce today Hang on barked Uncle Vernon, unadulterated furiously at the reporter. You didnt tell us where that maniacs escaped from What use is that? Lunatic could be glide slope up the street right now aunty genus Petunia, who was bony and hor se- vistad, whipped around and peered intently pop divulge of the kitchen window. chivy knew auntie Petunia would simply love to be the one to call the hot line number. She was the nosiest muliebrity in the world and spent most of her spiritedness spying on the boring, law-abiding neighbors.When will they learn, utter Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his large imperial fist, that hangings the totally way to deal with these people?Very true, give tongue to aunt Petunia, who was still squinting into bordering doors runner-beans.Uncle Vernon numb(p) his afternoon afternoon teacup, glanced at his watch, and added, Id better be discharge in a minute, Petunia. brinks train soak ups in at ten. chivvy, whose surveys had been upstair with the Broomstick Servicing Kit, was brought back to earth with an afflictive bump. auntie margarin? he blurted out. Sh-shes not sexual climax here, is she? aunty coast was Uncle Vernons baby. Even though she was not a assembly line relative of desolates (whose m new(prenominal) had been aunt Petunias sister), he had been forced to call her aunty all his life. auntie rim moved in the country, in a household with a large garden, where she bred bulldogs. She didnt oftentimes stay at Privet Drive, because she couldnt bear to leave her precious dogs, but separately of her point fors stood out horribly vividly in bothers mind.At Dudleys fifth birthday party, aunt Margo had whacked vex around the shins with her walking stick to stop him from debacle Dudley at musical statues. A a couple of(prenominal) historic period later, she had turned up at Christmas with a computerized zombie for Dudley and a box of dog biscuits for chevvy. On her expiry visit, the year forwards harry started at Hogwarts, harry had out of the blue trodden on the tail of her favorite dog. Ripper had give chase waste out into the garden and up a tree, and auntie Marge had refused to call him off until stocker(prenominal ) midnight. The memory of this incident still brought tears of laugh to Dudleys eye.Margell be here for a week, Uncle Vernon snarled, and age were on the subject, he pointed a fat finger threateningly at Harry, we need to get a few involvements straight before I go and intoxicate her.Dudley smirked and withdrew his gaze from the television. Watching Harry being bullied by Uncle Vernon was Dudleys favorite form of entertainment.Firstly, growled Uncle Vernon, youll keep a well-mannered tongue in your address when youre talking to Marge. wholly right, utter Harry bitterly, if she does when shes talking to me.Secondly, verbalize Uncle Vernon, acting as though he had not hear Harrys reply, as Marge doesnt know anything close your abnormality, I dont want any any funny farce while shes here. You be soak up yourself, got me?I will if she does, tell Harry through gritted teething.And thirdly, give tongue to Uncle Vernon, his mean brusk eyes now slits in his enceinte purple hardiness, weve told Marge you attend St. Brutuss Secure Center for incurably Criminal Boys.What? Harry emit.And youll be sticking to that story, boy, or on that pointll be trouble, spat Uncle Vernon.Harry sat there, white-faced and furious, staring at Uncle Vernon, tryingly able to believe it. auntie Marge coming for a week yearn visit it was the worst birthday present the Dursleys had ever habituated him, including that pair of Uncle Vernons old socks.Well, Petunia, said Uncle Vernon, getting heavy to his feet, Ill be off to the station, then. Want to come on for the ride, Dudders?No, said Dudley, whose attention had returned to the television now that Uncle Vernon had accurate threatening Harry.Duddys got to perplex himself smart for his auntie, said aunt Petunia, smoothing Dudleys thick blond hair. Mummys bought him a lovely new bow-tie.Uncle Vernon clapped Dudley on his porky shoulder.See you in a bit, then, he said, and he unexpended the kitchen.Harry, who had been sitting in a kind of horrified trance, had a sudden idea. Abandoning his toast, he got quickly to his feet and followed Uncle Vernon to the count door.Uncle Vernon was pulling on his railway elevator car coat.Im not taking you, he snarled as he turned to try out Harry watching him.Like I valued to come, said Harry coldly. I want to ask you somewhatthing.Uncle Vernon eyed him suspiciously. threesome years at Hog at my school are allowed to visit the village some quantifys, said Harry.So? snapped Uncle Vernon, taking his car keys from a hook following(a) to the door.I need you to sign the permission form, said Harry in a rush.And why should I do that? sneered Uncle Vernon.Well, said Harry, choosing his words carefully, itll be heavy(p) work, pretending to aunty Marge I go to that St. Whatsits.St. Brutuss Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys bellowed Uncle Vernon, and Harry was pleased to hear a definite note of hand of panic in Uncle Vernons voice.Exactly, said Harry, expression calmly up into Uncle Vernons large, purple face. Its a lot to concoct. Ill lay down to devise it sound convincing, wont I? What if I accidentally let something slip?Youll get the stuffing knocked out of you, wont you? roared Uncle Vernon, advancing on Harry with his fist raised. reasonable now Harry stood his ground.Knocking the stuffing out of me wont make aunt Marge forget what I could tell her, he said grimly.Uncle Vernon stop, his fist still raised, his face an ugly puce. save if you sign my permission form, Harry went on quickly, I swear scrofulous commend where Im supposed to go to school, and bronchitic act wish well a Mug give care Im normal and eachthing.Harry could tell that Uncle Vernon was thinking it over, horizontal if his teeth were expose and a vein was throbbing in his temple.Right, he snapped finally. I shall monitor your behavior carefully during Marges visit. If, at the end of it, youve toed the line and kept to the story, Ill sign you r ruby-red form.He wheeled around, pulled open(a) the front door, and slammed it so hard that one of the microscopic panes of glassful at the top fell out.Harry didnt return to the kitchen. He went back upstair to his bedroom. If he was going to act kindred a veridical Muggle, heed better start now. Slowly and woefully he gathered up all his presents and his birthday cards and hid them under the loose floorboard with his homework. and then he went to Hedwigs coop. Errol seemed to have recovered he and Hedwig were two asleep, heads under their wings. Harry sighed, then poked them both awake.Hedwig, he said gloomily, youre going to have to clear off for a week. Go with Errol. Ronll look after you. Ill write him a note, explaining. And dont look at me akin that Hedwigs large amber eyes were reproachful its not my fault. Its the totally way Ill be allowed to visit Hogsmeade with Ron and Hermione. ten dollar bill minutes later, Errol and Hedwig (who had a note to Ron bound t o her leg) soared out of the window and out of sight. Harry, now note exhaustively miserable, put the empty cage away inner the wardrobe.But Harry didnt have hanker to brood. In next to no time, aunty Petunia was hollo up the stairs for Harry to come down and get ready to welcome their guest.Do something closely your hair aunty Petunia snapped as he reached the hall.Harry couldnt see the point of trying to make his hair lie immediately. aunty Marge love criticizing him, so the untidier he looked, the happier she would be.All too soon, there was a crunch of gravel outside(a) as Uncle Vernons car pulled back into the driveway, then the clunk of the car doors and footsteps on the garden path.Get the door Aunt Petunia hissed at Harry.A feeling of bang-up gloom in his acquit, Harry pulled the door open.On the threshold stood Aunt Marge. She was very like Uncle Vernon large, beefy, and purple-faced, she even had a mustache, though not as shaggy-haired as his. In one hand she held an enormous suitcase, and tucked under the other was an old and evil-tempered bulldog.Wheres my Dudders? roared Aunt Marge. Wheres my neffy poo?Dudley came waddling down the hall, his blond hair p furthermostered flat to his fat head, a bow tie sightly visible under his many chins. Aunt Marge thrust the suitcase into Harrys stomach, knocking the wind out of him, seized Dudley in a tight one-armed hug, and pose a large kiss on his cheek.Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley only put up with Aunt Marges hugs because he was well paid for it, and sure enough, when they broke apart, Dudley had a crisp twenty-pound note clutched in his fat fist.Petunia shouted Aunt Marge, striding agone Harry as though he was a hat-stand. Aunt Marge and Aunt Petunia kissed, or rather, Aunt Marge bumped her large jaw against Aunt Petunias bony cheekbone.Uncle Vernon now came in, smiling jovially as he shut the door.Tea, Marge? he said. And what will Ripper take?Ripper can have some tea out of my saucer, said Aunt Marge as they all proceeded into the kitchen, leaving Harry alone in the hall with the suitcase. But Harry wasnt complaining any excuse not to be with Aunt Marge was fine by him, so he began to utter the case upstairs into the spare bedroom, taking as long as he could. By the time he got back to the kitchen, Aunt Marge had been supplied with tea and fruitcake, and Ripper was lapping noisily in the corner. Harry adage Aunt Petunia wince slightly as specks of tea and drool flecked her clean floor. Aunt Petunia hated animals.Whos looking after the other dogs, Marge? Uncle Vernon asked.Oh, Ive got Colonel Fubster managing them, boomed Aunt Marge. Hes retired now, good for him to have something to do. But I couldnt leave poor old Ripper. He pines if hes away from me.Ripper began to growl again as Harry sat down. This directed Aunt Marges attention to Harry for the first time.So she barked. Still here, are you?Yes, said Harry.Dont you say yes in that ungrateful tone, Au nt Marge growled. Its damn good of Vernon and Petunia to keep you. Wouldnt have done it myself. Youd have gone straight to an orphanhood if youd been dumped on my doorstep.Harry was bursting to say that hed rather live in an orphanage than with the Dursleys, but the thought of the Hogsmeade form stopped him. He forced his face into a painful smile.Dont you smirk at me boomed Aunt Marge. I can see you havent improved since I in conclusion saw you. I hoped school would knock some manners into you. She took a large gulp of tea, wiped her mustache, and said, Where is it that you send him, again, Vernon?St. Brutuss, said Uncle Vernon promptly. Its a first-rate institution for forlorn cases.I see, said Aunt Marge. Do they use the cane at St. Brutuss, boy? she barked across the table.Er Uncle Vernon nodded curtly behind Aunt Marges back.Yes, said Harry. Then, feeling he might as well do the thing properly, he added, All the time.Excellent, said Aunt Marge. I wont have this namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense round not hitting people who deserve it. A good thrashing is whats needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. Have you been beaten often?Oh, yeah, said Harry, loads of times.Aunt Marge narrow her eyes.I still dont like your tone, boy, she said. If you can come up to of your beatings in that casual way, they clearly arent hitting you hard enough. Petunia, Id write if I were you. Make it clear that you respect the use of extreme force in this boys case. perchance Uncle Vernon was worried that Harry might forget their muckle in any case, he changed the subject abruptly.hear the news this morning, Marge? What about that escaped prisoner, eh?******As Aunt Marge started to make herself at home, Harry caught himself thinking almost longingly of life at number four without her. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia commonly encouraged Harry to stay out of their way, which Harry was only too happy to do. Aunt Marge, on the other hand, wanted Harry under her eye at all ti mes, so that she could boom out suggestions for his improvement. She delighted in comparing Harry with Dudley, and took spacious pleasure in buying Dudley expensive presents while glaring at Harry, as though presume him to ask why he hadnt got a present too. She also kept throwing out dark hints about what made Harry such an unsatisfactory person.You mustnt hip-hop yourself for the way the boys turned out, Vernon, she said over tiffin on the third day. If theres something rotten on the inside, theres zippo anyone can do about it.Harry assay to concentrate on his food, but his hands shake and his face was starting to burn with anger. Remember the form, he told himself. Think about Hogsmeade. Dont say anything. Dont rise Aunt Marge reached for her glass of wine.Its one of the basic rules of breeding, she said. You see it all the time with dogs. If theres something defame with the bitch, therell be something wrong with the pup At that moment, the wineglass Aunt Marge was keepi ng exploded in her hand. Shards of glass flew in every direction and Aunt Marge sputtered and blinked, her great ruddy face dripping.Marge squealed Aunt Petunia. Marge, are you all right?Not to worry, grunted Aunt Marge, mopping her face with her napkin. Must have squeezed it too hard. Did the same thing at Colonel Fubsters the other day. No need to fuss, Petunia, I have a very firm seize.But Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were both looking at Harry suspiciously, so he obstinate hed better skip dessert and escape from the table as soon as he could. removed in the hall, he leaned against the wall, lively deeply. It had been a long time since hed lost control and made something explode. He couldnt afford to let it happen again. The Hogsmeade form wasnt the only thing at stake if he carried on like that, hed be in trouble with the Ministry of Magic.Harry was still an underage wizard, and he was forbidden by wizard law to do trick outside school. His record wasnt exactly clean eithe r. Only last summer hed gotten an official warning that had stated kind of clearly that if the Ministry got wind of any much magic in Privet Drive, Harry would face expulsion from Hogwarts.He heard the Dursleys leaving the table and hurried upstairs out of the way.******Harry got through the next three days by forcing himself to think about his vade mecum of Do-It-Yourself Broomcare whe neer Aunt Marge started on him. This worked quite well, though it seemed to give him a glazed look, because Aunt Marge started voicing the opinion that he was mentally subnormal.At last, at long last, the final even of Marges stay arrived. Aunt Petunia cooked a accept dinner and Uncle Vernon uncorked several feeding bottles of wine. They got all the way through the soup and the salmon without a single nurture of Harrys faults during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon bored them a with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making company then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a bottle of brandy.Can I tempt you, Marge?Aunt Marge had already had quite a lot of wine. Her huge face was very red. retributory a small one, then, she chuckled. A bit more than thatand a bit morethats the ticket.Dudley was eating his ordinal slice of pie. Aunt Petunia was sipping coffee with her weeny finger sticking out. Harry really wanted to disappear into his bedroom, but he met Uncle Vernons angry piffling eyes and knew he would have to sit it out.Aah, said Aunt Marge, smacking her lips and putting the empty brandy glass back down. Excellent nosh, Petunia. Its normally just a fry-up for me of an evening, with twelve dogs to look after She burped richly and patted her great tweed stomach. Pardon me. But I do like to see a healthy-sized boy, she went on, winking at Dudley. Youll be a proper-sized man, Dudders, like your father. Yes, Ill have a spot more brandy, VernonNow, this one here She jerked her head at Harry, who felt his stomach clench. The Handbook, he thought q uickly.This ones got a mean, runty look about him. You get that with dogs. I had Colonel Fubster drown one last year. cold little thing it was. Weak. Underbred.Harry was trying to remember page twelve of his book A spellbind to Cure Reluctant Reversers.It all comes down to blood, as I was saying the other day. Bad blood will out. Now, Im saying nothing against your family, Petunia she patted Aunt Petunias bony hand with her shovel-like one but your sister was a bad egg. They turn up in the best families. Then she ran off with a uprooter and heres the result right in front of us.Harry was staring at his plate, a funny band in his ears. Grasp your broom firmly by the tail, he thought. But he couldnt remember what came next. Aunt Marges voice seemed to be boring into him like one of Uncle Vernons drills.This Potter, said Aunt Marge loudly, seizing the brandy bottle and splashing more into her glass and over the tablecloth, you never told me what he did?Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petuni a were looking extremely tense. Dudley had even looked up from his pie to gape at his parents.He didnt work, said Uncle Vernon, with half a glance at Harry. Unemployed.As I expected said Aunt Marge, taking a huge swig of brandy and wiping her chin on her sleeve. A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger who He was not, said Harry suddenly. The table went very muted. Harry was shaking all over. He had never felt so angry in his life.MORE BRANDY yelled Uncle Vernon, who had gone very white. He emptied the bottle into Aunt Marges glass. You, boy, he snarled at Harry. Go to bed, go on No, Vernon, hiccuped Aunt Marge, holding up a hand, her tiny bloodshot eyes fixed on Harrys. Go on, boy, go on. Proud of your parents, are you? They go and get themselves killed in a car break apart (drunk, I expect) They didnt die in a car crash said Harry, who found himself on his feet.They died in a car crash, you nasty little liar, and left you to be a burden on their decent, gumptious relativ es screamed Aunt Marge, stumblebum with fury. You are an insolent, ungrateful little But Aunt Marge suddenly stopped speaking. For a moment, it looked as though words had failed her. She seemed to be swelling with inexpressible anger but the swelling didnt stop. Her great red face started to expand, her tiny eyes bulged, and her mouth stretched too tightly for speech next second, several buttons had just burst from her tweed ceiling and pinged off the walls she was inflating like a monstrous balloon, her stomach bursting free of her tweed waistband, each of her fingers blowing up like a salamiMARGE yelled Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia together as Aunt Marges whole carcass began to rise off her chair toward the ceiling. She was entirely round, now, like a vast life buoy with piggy eyes, and her hands and feet stuck out weirdly as she drifted up into the air, making apoplectic popping noises. Ripper came skidding into the room, barking madly.NOOOOOOOUncle Vernon seized one of Ma rges feet and tried to pull her down again, but was almost bring up from the floor himself. A second later, Ripper leapt forward and sank his teeth into Uncle Vernons leg.Harry tore from the dining room before anyone could stop him, heading for the loo under the stairs. The cupboard door burst magically open as he reached it. In seconds, he had heaved his consistence to the front door. He sprinted upstairs and threw himself under the bed, wrenching up the loose floorboard, and grabbed the pillowcase full of his books and birthday presents. He wriggled out, seized Hedwigs empty cage, and dashed back downstairs to his trunk, just as Uncle Vernon burst out of the dining room, his gasp leg in bloody tatters.COME covering IN HERE he bellowed. COME bet on AND PUT HER RIGHTBut a heedless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.She deserved it, Harry said, breathing very fast. She deserved what she got. You keep away fro m me.He fumbled behind him for the latch on the door.Im going, Harry said. Ive had enough.And in the next moment, he was out in the dark, quiet street, heaving his heavy trunk behind him, Hedwigs cage under his arm.